Before I Knew Better
by Empress Xandra
Summary: Sideswipe's thoughts and feelings shortly after his arrival on Earth. Prequel to How You Remind Me and Eleventh Commandment.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: Sideswipe's feelings about how Blurr treated him when he first arrived. In the same timeline as '_How You Remind Me'_ and '_Eleventh Commandment'_. Quotes might be off but whatever.

**Before I Knew Better**

Blurr was mad at him.

Sideswipe understood that. Really, he did.

What he didn't understand was why Blurr was acting like he didn't even know him. Sure, he'd expected Blurr to yell at him, maybe refuse to talk to him for a few days, or at most do that stress relief thing where he'll spend thirty hours straight on the gun range. But flat out denying his existence was a new one.

"As of this moment you will be working under the supervision and guidance of Hot Shot." The yellow mech was saying something again. Slag, was he supposed to be listening to this guy? Oops, he was.

"Under Hot Shot?" Great, he was stuck with yet another yellow jerk. At least Sunny had a sense of humor. This guy was just annoying.

"That's right kid," the yellow mech grinned.

'Well you're an arrogant one, aren't you?' Sideswipe thought. 'Let's see how you like this'. Years of living with Sunny had taught him the quickest way to get at these guys was to give 'em a sharp poke in their ego.

"Well, who's Hot Shot?" he asked, perfectly innocent. The yellow mech's face fell. Sideswipe could almost hear the air escaping Hot Shot's punctured ego.

"I am! I'M Hot Shot you idiot!"

'Well, you don't have to be so damn rude about it' Sideswipe thought darkly.

* * *

Well this definitely wasn't the smartest thing he'd done this week.

Sideswipe shifted, trying to find some give in the chains. No such luck, Wheeljack had tied him tight. The vengeful mech didn't want him getting away before Hot Shot showed, and possibly not even then. There was nothing he could do except wait for Hot Shot to come riding to the rescue…Well that, and worry about how close those flames were getting. The way his luck was running he was liable to melt before Hot Shot got here. Damn luck.

Nothing like impending doom to make one look back on one's life and realize just how pathetic it was. First, he let Spindle knock him around for all those years, and then, when he finally got the guts to leave, he went running to Sunny for protection. For some reason he went along with Sunny's idea to get him away from Cybertron and out of Spindle's reach even though he knew he'd never be a good soldier. Then he was proven right when— during his first week of active duty on Sirius— he was separated from his unit, nearly killed, and somehow ended up hung upside down nearly five hundred feet in the air. He was rescued by this nice, quiet, guy who vanished after saving him. Then, still lost and alone, he wandered into a neutral trading post where he found his savior, who didn't remember him and was probably wondering who the tiny guy clinging to him like a scraplet was.

In an unexpected turn of luck his rescuer, Blurr, turned out to be a nice guy and let him hang out with him until they were able to track down his unit. Months passed and he started to fall in love, yet again. Then Blurr got a call from an old friend asking for a favor and had to head off to join the Minicon Wars, leaving him alone. And like a lost puppy he followed him to Earth.

Yup, definitely pathetic.

"Sideswipe!" Was that Hot Shot? He looked toward the voice's source. Sure enough, down on the main floor of the refinery was Hot Shot. "Sideswipe! I'm on my way to help you! Sit tight!"

'Where am I gonna go?' Sideswipe wondered. Aloud he yelled back "No, don't come up here! It's too dangerous!"

When Hot Shot made no move to leave he continued. "Would you get out of here?! This tank is gonna explode!"

"Not a chance pal, I'm comin' to save ya!"

'Oh, so now he cares' Sideswipe thought dismally. "Well then would ya hurry up?!"

Hot Shot took his advice and hurried toward the tank just as some of the pipes started to explode. "Come on! It's gonna blow," he yelled.

Seconds later Hot Shot vaulted over the side of the tank and was at his side in an instant. He blasted the chains, grabbed Sideswipe's arm and ran.

* * *

This ledge was the perfect place to watch the stars. He was just far enough away from the base that no one would bother him, including his newly adopted bro. Not that he was regretting their newly formed friendship, but for now he needed to be alone with his thoughts, something his new protector wouldn't allow.

For a moment Sideswipe allowed himself to appreciate the irony of leaving his brother and guardian behind on Cybertron only to find another here on Earth.

He grimaced as he leaned back against the cliff wall in an attempt to get more comfortable. Today had been rough. Somewhere in-between starting his training, getting run off a cliff, being kidnapped a Decepticon, waking to find himself tied up in a burning oil refinery, and jumping off an exploding building he'd managed to mess up his shoulder.

Red Alert could probably fix it, but Sideswipe had developed a healthy respect for medics back on Sirius. The CMO there had regularly threatened to rewire him into a blender. Good old Ratchet. Hopefully Red Alert would prove to have more patience. Or worse aim. He wasn't picky about which.

Sideswipe grimaced again. Tomorrow would be soon enough to introduce Red Alert to the wonders of having him for a patient. In the meantime he would content himself with merely sitting here and watching the stars. Maybe he could figure out which one Sunny was on…

Sideswipe was startled out of his light doze by metal scraping against rock. Through the fog in his mind came the image of Spindle, his ex. He clutched for his weapon, only to find that he'd left it in his new room back at the base. A stupid, rookie mistake.

"Sideswipe?" A voice— not Spindle's— came hesitantly, as though the speaker was not sure of how he would be received.

"Blurr," Sideswipe sighed in relief. Not Spin.

The mercenary at least had the decency to look apologetic for his earlier actions. "Uh, nice view," he remarked, not even bothering to look at the stars that had so interested Sideswipe a short while ago.

"Yeah. The stars look really great from here," Sideswipe agreed.

"Stars?" Was that genuine confusion in Blurr's voice?

"Yes, stars. What else is there to watch out here?"

"You."

Sideswipe gave him a bland look. "Please tell me that wasn't a come-on."

"…"

"Oh Primus," Sideswipe groaned.

"It wasn't that bad."

"Compared to saying I filled your cold miserable life with warmth, laughter, and excitement? Next to that, saying I look good is just insulting."

"Well you do," Blurr grumbled defensively.

"Which one?"

"Both."

"Huh, really? And to think, only a few hours ago you'd never seen me before in your life."

Blurr grimaced. "That was childish," he admitted.

"You don't say?" Sideswipe feigned shock.

"I'm sorry."

Sideswipe frowned. "Are you sorry for what you did or sorry that I got attacked?" As bad as it sounded, he wanted to know for sure Blurr was doing this because he wanted to, not because he felt guilty.

Blurr considered his answer for a moment. "I'm sorry for what I did and I regret it. I'm angry that you got hurt when it could have been avoided."

"I doubt it could have been avoided, Blurr. Either way Optimus was going to have me train under Hot Shot, and either way I was going to jump headlong into someone else's fight whether you acknowledged me or not. I've never been able to sit back and let someone get hurt."

"Even when it ends up putting you in danger," Blurr said bitterly. "I know. It's exactly the reason I didn't want you to come to Earth."

"Did you really think I was going to stay on Sirius without you?"

"I thought you might go back to Cybertron once your tour was over," said Blurr. "I hoped you would," he admitted.

"The whole point of me signing up to go to Sirius was to get away from Cybertron. You know that Blurr."

"Is whatever you were running from back on Cybertron really more dangerous than an army of Decepticons?" Blurr asked.

"To me? Yes," Sideswipe answered. He'd never told Blurr about Spindle. So far only Sunny knew, and he'd like to keep it that way. His time with Spindle wasn't something he was proud of.

"Sideswipe, it's not safe here."

"It wasn't safe on Sirius either. It's not safe on Cybertron. It's not safe anywhere, Blurr. At least here I can be with someone I love."

"So you still love me?" There was a catch in Blurr's voice as he said this.

"Yeah," Sideswipe's brow furrowed. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, you and Hot Shot seemed pretty touchy feely today after you got back." Blurr didn't meet his optics as he said this.

"We hugged," Sideswipe stated evenly. "That was it."

"You didn't have to let him hold you for so long," Blurr grumbled.

"He saved my life Blurr."

"So did I."

"Yes, and I believe I glomped you once I recognized you at the trading post," Sideswipe reminded him. He chuckle internally at the memory of the gobsmacked look on Blurr's face, what little of it that was visible anyway, when he all but jumped him in the middle of that trading post.

"Yeah, then a few months later you told me you loved me," Blurr reminded him.

Sideswipe raised a brow. "So I did."

"How long 'til you're saying the same thing to Hot Shot?"

"In the same manner? Never." It was Blurr's turn to raise a brow. "When I said I loved you Blurr, I meant I wanted to share the rest of my life with you. If next month I tell Hot Shot I love him it'll be because he's like family to me. He's my bro. You're my lover."

"Present tense?"

"Yes present tense. I'm not going to fall out of love just because we had a little fight Blurr. I'm here for the long run."

Blurr didn't look convinced. "You're still young Sideswipe, when you're older—"

"When I'm older I'll still be here," said Sideswipe, firmly. "Do you honestly think I came all the way from Sirius for kicks? My tour's been over for a year now Blurr. I didn't need to stay with you back then. I could have met up with some of my old friends on one of the neutral planets and hung out there where it was safe rather than staying in the middle of a warzone with you. But I did. Does that tell you how serious I am about this or do I have to pull another amazingly stupid stunt to get your attention?"

"They're not all stupid," Blurr protested weakly.

"Name one," Sideswipe demanded.

"Well, the sky diving trip was sorta fun."

"You nearly broke your legs."

"…But I didn't," Blurr said, pathetically triumphant.

"You twit," Sideswipe laughed.

"But I'm… your twit?" Blurr asked hopefully.

"Yes, you're my twit," Sideswipe agreed.

* * *

"Why are we out here again?" Jetfire asked, swatting another mosquito. Not that the little blood suckers could penetrate his armor with those little beaks of theirs, and they'd be in for an unpleasant surprise if they did manage it, but Jetfire knew how much it annoyed Optimus when he squashed the local wildlife.

Optimus frowned. "That would be because Red Alert wants to check out Sideswipe's shoulder. He was favoring it earlier but Red Alert didn't have time to check on it then."

"So? He can check on him tomorrow." Swat! Another bloodsucker bit the dust.

"He'd prefer to check on Sideswipe today." Optimus flinched as Jetfire continued to ruthlessly decimate the local mosquito population.

"Come on, the kid's had a rough day. Why don't we leave him alone for tonight and let him process everything?" Squirt! Ooh, that one was juicy.

"Jetfire! Stop that!" Optimus ordered.

"What? They're just parasites."

"They are not parasites! Besides, even if they were, they're a part of the local ecosystem. We promised the kids we wouldn't cause any irreparable damage to it."

"Trust me Prime, the kids won't mind if we swat a few of these bloodsuckers," Jetfire assured his harried leader.

"That's not the point," Optimus insisted.

"What is the point then?"

Optimus huffed in annoyance. "Where _is_ Sideswipe?"

"So there is no point!" Jetfire cried triumphantly.

"There is a point. I just don't feel like going into it right now. Besides, we're supposed to be looking for Sideswipe," Optimus snapped.

"Yeah yeah, sure Prime," Jetfire griped, giving up on his game. "Hey, why are we out lookin' for the kid anyway?"

"Because Red Alert asked us to," Optimus reminded him.

"Yeah, but shouldn't we, as commander and vice-commander, have been able to order someone else to come out here an' find him?"

If Optimus's optics had the function, he would have blinked at his second. "Huh?"

"It didn't occur to you to ask someone else, did it?"

"Well… I'd thought about asking Blurr to go look for him, but Scavenger said Blurr went for a drive earlier and wasn't back yet," Optimus admitted.

"Ooh, that would've been good. As huggy as the kid was when he and Hot Shot got back we'd've probably needed one of those human crowbars to get him off if he got a hold of Blurr," Jetfire laughed.

"He's not that bad. Besides, I'm pretty sure Blurr might actually come to like him if he gets to know him a little better."

"Optimus? Are you trying to play matchmaker?" Jetfire asked coyly.

"Of course not. My duty is to lead, not to toss mechs at each other randomly for the sake of my own amusement."

"Really? Then what do you call that thing you did with me and Red?"

"That was doing you both a huge favor… while amusing myself in the process," Optimus shrugged.

"I knew it! And Red Alert said I was just being paranoid," Jetfire exclaimed in triumph. "Now, why were you installing spy cameras in my quarters?"

"I didn't install spy cameras in your quarters."

"Sure ya did. Who else could possibly have motive—Scavenger! He's trying to make me have a nervous breakdown! And once I'm out of the way, he can move in on Red. I always knew he had the hots for him but I've never had proof, the bastard." Jetfire finished his tirade with a growl.

"Ok, Jetfire?"

"Yeah boss?"

"Have you been reading 'The Count of Monte Cristo' again?"

"Only twice this week."

"How about you download a few of those Harry Potter books the kids like so much? I think you'll like those better."

"Sure, and I could try that quidditch thing with the Minicons. They'd love that."

"On second thought, those romance novels that Alexis likes to read sound pretty tame," Optimus suggested, hoping to avoid a catastrophe.

"Maybe… What were we out here for again?"

"We're looking for Sideswipe," Optimus reminded him, though he was fairly certain his second didn't need it. Jetfire had a rather sharp mind despite the reputation he'd carefully cultivated over the years.

"Oh, why didn't you say so? Hot Shot said the kid was headed up to the ridge to watch the stars," Jetfire said helpfully.

"And you didn't mention this before because?" Optimus asked.

"It plum slipped my mind boss."

There was a time and place to take Jetfire to task over these games he played. Unfortunately, here and now were not it. "Of course it did," Optimus agreed with his second before turning in the direction of the ridge.

The ridge was surprisingly close to the base's main entrance. Only six-hundred yards or so. The way sound traveled out here, Optimus was surprised Sideswipe hadn't heard them.

Bounding ahead, Jetfire called out "Hey kid, Red wants to check your shoulder—ohhh." Jetfire froze on the edge of the ridge, just above the ledge that was a favorite among the kids for stargazing.

"Jetfire?!" Was that Blurr?

"Damnit Blurr, I had a bet with Smokescreen!" Jetfire huffed.

What was Blurr doing up here? Optimus came up along side Jetfire and peered over the edge. "Oh." That answered that question.

"Hello sir," Sideswipe greeted him with a small wave.

"Hello Prime," Blurr acknowledge with a nod, not bothering to remove his arm from it's place around Sideswipe's shoulders.

"Hello," Optimus nodded back. This was somewhat unexpected. He'd thought that the two might get along better once they got to know each other a little more, but this was moving a bit too fast.

"Smokescreen said he thought you two knew each other. We made a bet," said Jetfire. "I thought for sure that that cold shoulder was for real. So, who's in the doghouse?"

"Doghouse?" Sideswipe asked.

"Neither of us," Blurr stated sharply.

"Fine, who _was_ in the doghouse?" Jetfire's optics sparkled with mirth. Blurr shifted uncomfortably. "Oohh. So, did he make you get down on hands and knees to beg for forgiveness?"

"No!" Blurr snapped.

"Come on kid, you should've made him sweat a little."

"What's the doghouse?" Sideswipe asked again.

"I'll explain later," Blurr assured him before turning back to Jetfire and Optimus. "Are you two done?"

"Umm, what's going on here?" Optimus asked. For some reason his processor couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation for what he was witnessing.

"They're dating, Ops," said Jetfire.

"Don't call me that."

"So, how long have you two been an item?" Jetfire asked, ignoring Optimus.

"Item?" Sideswipe asked again.

"A year and a half," Blurr said glumly.

"What? You've been together longer than me an' Red? You suck!"

"Enough Jetfire," Optimus ordered. "Speaking of Red Alert, he wishes to examine your shoulder, Sideswipe. He noticed it was injured earlier and wants it seen to before you turn in for the night."

"Ok," said Sideswipe as he hesitantly rose to his feet. He turned to Blurr expectantly.

"Yeah, I'll go with him," Blurr said, rising with a little more grace than Sideswipe.

"Actually Blurr, I believe we need to have a talk." The look of terror that briefly passed through Blurr's optics was comical to say the least. "Don't worry, this won't take long."

"Right," said Jetfire with a clap of his hands. He lightly leapt down to the lower ledge and placed a hand on Sideswipe's uninjured shoulder. "Come on kid, Red'll have a fit if we don't get you to him before lights out," he said, leading Sideswipe away.

It may have been a trick of the light, but it seemed as though Blurr stared after the two retreating mechs like they were his last hope for survival. After they passed out of sight around a bend in the rock he reluctantly turn to face Optimus. "Yes sir?" he inquired.

"Relax Blurr. I'm not going to shoot you if that's what you're worried about. I just have a few questions," Optimus said, taking pity on the mercenary.

"Questions about?"

"Whether or not there will be any repeats of your behavior the past few days. I'm not going to ask why, and I don't need particulars. All I need to know is if this is going to negatively affect either you or Sideswipe's performance in your duties."

"No sir."

"Good. Now I recommend you go make sure Jetfire hasn't made any unexpected detours on the way back to the base. I wouldn't put it past him to try and pump Sideswipe for details," Optimus advised. Blurr nodded and turned to go. "Oh, and Blurr." Blurr stopped. "You might want to hold off on telling Hot Shot for awhile. _He_ will shoot you."

"I'll keep that in mind," Blurr said.

"You do that. Jetfire's not the only one around here who has a bet." Blurr shot him a startled glance. "Keep that in mind as well."

AN: My god, I started this my senior year of high school. Time just slipped away from me. Sorry, I'm attempting to re-learn grammar at the moment. My cheap, private school education didn't really help much. Feel free to comment on grammar, though preferably with feedback about the actual story, though preferably not about Sideswipe's selective understanding of human slang. R&R.


End file.
